Faith and fashion blogging
A long while ago, I mentioned on social media that I wanted to know whether people would be curious or receptive to my writing about my faith on my blog. I had realized then that I never verbalize what I believe, what I disagree with, or really what moral standards I live my life by other than to perhaps in passing say that I am a Christian. The response to my question was overwhelmingly “yes, please share!” even by people whom I know do not share my beliefs, so I wrote a post about faith… and never published it.
Then more recently, on my personal Facebook, I wrote a long status about why I have an issue with a certain well-known and very controversial-subject-pusher religious blogger that many of my friends tend to share and agree with, and it was then that I realized why I rarely (if ever) vocalize more on my faith on social media. I don’t tend to write controversial or even personal blog posts on highly debated topics of faith, what I do and don’t believe, what I can condone and what I believe is right or wrong. I don’t know that I have ever once mentioned these things in detail publicly, in all honesty, and for a while I thought perhaps I was a “bad” Christian for not utilizing my small space of internet to highlight more of what I believe. So many bloggers who affiliate with the Christian faith do write a lot about what they think on the right-or-wrong topics of today, and for me to stay out of it felt, on a peer-pressure level, like I wasn’t doing my part. 
But after I penned my thoughts about that certain blogger, more specifically how I believed that blogger went against everything that is said about a wise man in Proverbs — which I have been reading lately — I realized that it was okay. It was okay if I didn’t jump in with my opinion on the Josh Duggar scandals, or whether it’s better to be pro-life or pro-choice, or if I identify as a feminist or not. It was okay if I was reluctant to write my views on divorce or abortion or the LGBTQ community (the three things I see that seem to be the most bashed thing from Christians) into a blog post that would be out there for everyone to have a reaction to. It’s totally okay to keep my thoughts to myself when I see internet debates about whether it’s immodest to wear leggings or show cleavage or paint your nails red (seriously, guys, I have seen that last one happen.)
And it’s not because I am afraid to share what I believe with anyone that I tend to not write about these things. Yes, I would be reluctant to be the fodder for an angry debate or an irate response from either side should I voice what I think in public media. I don’t like angry people, I don’t like being the target of negativity, and I don’t like making people upset. But were I to be asked directly and privately, I would not dodge the question. My blogging friends who have brought up “controversial” subjects with me in personal conversations know that to be true.
But there is a very important aspect to sharing my beliefs that I think is completely lost when writing a blog post about something that not everyone will agree with. And that is the fact that you cannot have any real personal connection or understanding when it’s all just in a blog post. There’s no person-to-person dialogue when it’s a spillage of words onto the internet, regardless of how kindly or clearly things are said. There’s no way to clarify a point that came across in a way you did not mean. And, more importantly, not everyone needs to know what I think on these subjects that the world loves to argue about.
Why not? Well, for one thing, I’ll go back to Proverbs. In my readings, I’ve been writing down everything the Bible says about a wise man. And a few of the points about a wise man (or woman) is that their paths are pleasant and peaceful, they speak in a way that is a light to those around them, they possess prudence and discretion, they don’t stir up conflict, and they speak to those who are ready to listen. And I’m not saying that sometimes action that might stir someone up isn’t necessary — because hey, Jesus whipped people, y’all — or that it’s always going to be the good life with no conflict or hardships.
But for me, I don’t think writing controversial blog posts is the way to go about sharing what I believe in regards to many things that I see other bloggers writing about. And again, not that I think they are always wrong in writing about what they think — some bloggers write in awesome ways that avoid bashing, hate, condescension, and ridicule. But it’s hard. It’s hard to make that post personal and loving and understandable when there’s no conversation going on before and after and during those words.
So instead of writing about many aspects of my faith that prove hard to share without coming off as too judgmental or too tolerant or too goody-two-shoes or too passive, I’ll tell you what I really want you to know about what I believe.
I associate with Jesus. Not with Jesus Freaks. I believe in compassion and understanding, like the Jesus who loved on those people that nobody else would, healed the ones that no one else would touch, helped those who literally could not help themselves. I believe in second chances, just as He gave to the woman who had multiple affairs or the woman that all the religious people wanted to stone. I believe in seeing people as equals around me, just as He didn’t hold Himself in higher regard than anyone else, but in fact gave Himself up for a position that was the lowest of low, saved for the worst of men in His death. I believe in making friends, not stirring up enemies. I believe in sticking to my faith and not beating around the bush, as He did with those who thought they were so, so good and perfect but were really every bit in need of Him as those they thought to be beneath them.
Shirt, belt, and skirt, thrifted | shoes, Modcloth
But most of all, I believe in being a person that anyone — no matter what they think or how they live — could come to openly and not be afraid of what I might think of them. And none of this means that I am wishy-washy or won’t stand by what I believe when it comes down to it. This doesn’t mean that I am a pushover faith-wise, or that I don’t have standards of right and wrong.
I believe that being a woman of faith, Jesus-like, if you will, is being someone approachable and careful with words. Someone who doesn’t just spout religious propaganda at everyone they think is wrong. Someone who truly loves people. ALL people. No matter what their personal beliefs, past actions, or sexual orientation.
After all, John 3:16 doesn’t say Christ died for just the ones who followed the ten commandments and lived sin-free lives. It says He died for the world. He loved the world. Everyone. Everyone who ever lived, past, present, and future.
And that is the essence of why I don’t often blog about my faith. Because to share that love, whether it means compassion for someone is hurting or perhaps a hard truth for someone who needs to hear it, I need personal connection. I need to be able to express my friendship for them above all opposing beliefs and lifestyles, so that they know I’m not trying to judge or condemn them if they think they’re doing something I don’t agree with. Because I never am. I don’t think I’m better than anyone else just because I’m a Christian and they’re not, or I don’t do something they think is okay, or I tend towards more modest cuts and they prefer shorter hemlines. Truly and honestly, I don’t care about any of that. I care about the person. And I really can’t embody all of that in a blog post.
So, if you’re ever curious about my opinion on something that might seem controversial, ask me and I will do my best to answer. But I won’t do it publicly; I’ll email you, or Facebook message, or meet up for coffee, because I want to make sure you know that my personal faith has nothing to do with who you are, and I want to create open conversations that make both of us think about why we believe what we believe. And most of all, I want to show love in all that I say and do.
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17 Comments
Lyndsey M
Oh man. This resonates with me in so many ways on so many levels. It’s so well written and relatable to anyone that believes in the love of Christ as pure, unconditional love. Christians have all been categorized together now. Since we believe there is a God, that automatically means we are all the same judgemental, unintelligent prudes that some (a lot of) “Christians” are. And that hurts me to no end. I carry that hurt with me every day because I can’t stand the thought of people thinking that that’s *it*. That there’s nothing but judgement and hate and condemnation and submission and fairytales if you’re a believer. So many times I have found myself scrounging for the words to describe my love and emotions towards God and my faith online, but it’s indescribable when it comes to just a blog post. There’s no way to get that across to people on the Internet. That’s where they have the leverage to say “if this *God* of yours is how you consider *love*, I don’t want any part of it!” That hurts.
Out of everything that people agree and disagree on, there is one particular subject that bothers me more than anything else I’ve ever encountered.. and I’m not going to say what it actually is because it’s like people Google it just so they can find somewhere to rant about it lol. There is such anger and hatred with those people that it’s overwhelming. And it’s EVERYWHERE, ESPECIALLY online. I have a feeling that’s why you feel like you should speak out sometimes, and sometimes you shouldn’t. I think we all feel that way when it comes to something so personal to us. Nothing bothers me more than when people just totally disrespect Christians, make fun of God, and degrade us all to “vegetables that can’t read a science book”. I take it extremely personal. When it’s something personal to your heart, but causes friction with everyone else, it’s hard to walk away from those situations. But I totally agree that not radically expressing your beliefs is not a sign of passive faith at all. It’s learning wisdom and keeping peace the best way we were taught by God’s word. Thank you for writing this because I desperately needed to know that a fellow believer out there felt the same way as I do.♡♡
By the way, you look amazing! I love how you mixed your patterns here
Eccentric Owl
YES. I totally feel that too; I am so sad that there are people who have made being a Christian seem like it’s a judgemental, hate-filled sect. But with people like you and me and Heather (up there in the comments) we can be the little changes that show Christians AREN’T like that! I am so glad to know I’m not alone in the way I live my faith and feel about speaking up or not! <3
Heather Gwinn
I’m so happy to read that I’m not alone with these feelings and thoughts! Like you I’ve been writing a blog post that I keep in my drafts, collecting dust. There have been so many times I’ve started to write a comment or reply to something someone said but stopped. Not because I was afraid of what they would think but because I don’t like conflict. I don’t like angry people or being mixed up in it. That’s not how I want people to view me because it’s not my character. I often get teased for having a perfect life, husband, and kids. That it must be a front. But when you live a joyful life with Christ it resonates in every part of you. I’m not a quiet sheep but I also believe the voice we have online often speaks differently than the voice we have in person. Like another commenter said about constantly carrying the hurt of being lumped together. I feel that all the time too and it breaks my heart. We share a lot of the same beliefs. I have to say Kristina, I’d love to pick your brain someday or maybe visit for a cup of coffee.
Thank you for sharing this!
Xoxo,
Heather
http://www.thearbitraryfox.com
Eccentric Owl
Me too! I’m SO glad to know I’m not the only one who avoids conflict and anger — I feel like so many Christians do tend to jump in with their opinions in tactless ways or when it’s not really needed, and it totally felt like maybe I should have been more active in voicing my thoughts when I really didn’t feel comfortable doing it! Or even feel the NEED to blurt my opinion, because above it all I really would rather cultivate relationships than controversy!
I would LOVE to have you visit and have coffee and have long conversations! (Also, feel free to email me anytime! Or Facebook, or whatever!)
jacquelinefrey
I really appreciated and resonated with this post, Kristina! It’s refreshing to hear a reasonable voice in the midst of so delighting-in-arguing! I think if people spent less time trying to convince people they’re “right” and more time actually loving the communities around them in real, tangible, practical ways – this world would look a lot different.
Eccentric Owl
I think that’s a big part of it — wanting to convince someone that they’re right, instead of just showing that they care. I mean, it’s hard to let certain things go, even for me, but ultimately I find it more important to share my faith through actions than through arguments. Not that I wouldn’t speak out if I REALLY felt it was needed or felt called to do so, but funny enough the only time I remember doing that, it was towards a pastor who had written a blog post that I felt highly convicted to address. And I emailed him.
Anyway! I agree; I think including love in our actions would make this world such a different place!
Kira Brennan
You’re a good Christian. 🙂 Honestly, this is coming from an atheist — I’ve always wondered how I would theoretically express to people of faith that there’s a kind of Christian I find approachable, and a kind I find off-putting and hard to talk to about important topics. But I think your principle of putting love and compassion above all else, as an expression of your faith, is at the crux of being able to connect with people across boundaries of belief, and thus, set the kind of example to the world that Jesus did. Thanks for writing this.
Eccentric Owl
Your comment made my heart sing! I am so glad that I can come across as approachable to someone who basically is opposite of my faith! That’s how I want to be, and I am so glad it’s coming through in my life. And I ALSO feel like there are Christians that I, as a Christian, could not approach or speak to about anything and find off-putting, too. Which is kind of odd, to me, that within the same faith you’d find people who didn’t feel like they could speak to each other about their similar beliefs. I actually find it really fascinating and intellectually challenging to converse with people who don’t believe what I do, because then it’s making ME think about whether I believe a certain thing just because it’s what I was brought up with, or if it’s because I’ve really put thought into it and researched it in the Bible and ACTUALLY believe it to be true. So I am always open to discussion from people who don’t believe what I believe!
Thank you for commenting!
Justina Kenyon
This post touched me deeply. I comment on your blog pretty frequently (you are one of my favorites ) and I mention my girlfriend in comments when it is natural. I have worried in the past that I couldn’t be part of the Christian fashion lovers community because I’m not-straight, but I have never felt that way here. I have only received kindness. This is just to say that I really think you are living up to your goal of loving people no matter where they are and you have touched me greatly with your kindness.
Thank you for your honesty and for being an example of how to spread love and kindness into the lives of others.
Eccentric Owl
Justina, you are always one of the sweetest commenters and I feel like we’re friends in a way just through your comments! I would never want you to feel like you couldn’t speak up here or talk about your own life regardless of how you think it might differ from mine, because I sincerely care more about YOU than about anything you do that might go against what Christians believe (honestly, I see “Christian” groups that avoid/protest everything that goes against how they live and it doesn’t look like a pleasant life to live OR a very Christian one!). And I love hearing the little snippets about you; it’s never offended me that you mention your girlfriend, at all! So please don’t ever feel like you have to hold back in that regard.
Thank you for ALL of your comments and your consistent visiting over the years! <3
JennyOH
As a non-Christian living in the bible belt, it’s really refreshing for me to hear from people like you, who try to live like the wise man/woman you wrote about in this post. Your faith is an important part of who you are, so I hope you will always feel ok talking about it here, in your own space. Thanks for sharing your thoughts – I love reading your blog and I know it can’t always be easy to put yourself out there <3
Eccentric Owl
Thank you, Jenny! I do feel okay to talk about it here, but I think first and foremost I wanted to be comfortable in myself that I WANTED to put certain things out there, you know? Because saying certain things changes the perception people have of you when all they have to go on is the internet and have never met you in person, so something I say about my faith might have been something that misrepresents me. I might occasionally talk about it more now, but it’s something I want to always give careful thought to, because I want people to feel comfortable speaking to me no matter who they are, how they live, or what they believe! <3
Jamie Rose // Petite Panoply
I live in the bible belt and Christians who don’t constantly spout their ideas on every single platform possible are so refreshing. (I know not all are like that, but the very loud and extreme drown out the moderates.) I definitely understand what you’re saying and agree with the point that there’s no dialogue or connection if you’re just typing your beliefs out. Associating with certain opinions can give an incorrect impression if you don’t get the whole picture too.
The internet is just so much nicer if people aren’t having internet arguments. Do those even ever change anybody’s opinion?
Anyway, I think this was a great post! I always enjoy reading your blog and love that people can be blog friends without having the same personal beliefs.
Finding Femme
I’m quite shy, so I regularly come places to comment, and seek out someone who has said what I wanted to say and then upvote them and leave. Jamie, you’ve basically written exactly what I was going to write so…upvote for you.
Liana
Emily
What a thoughtful post! I really appreciate what you’re saying here about how thoughtful discussions can’t always take place in this environment. I am definitely one who is quick to jump into debates without stopping to think first — it’s in my nature. I think out loud and I really enjoy engaging with people about their views. But I really hear what you are saying about there being a time and a place for conversations on controversial, complex topics – something for me to think about. I write a newspaper column so I get really used to a) being able to carefully craft my words and then b) being able to sort of plop it out there to the world and, quite honestly, not have a lot of people engage with it. But it’s very different online!
Finding Femme
This is another post I have felt a great affinity with. I’m an atheist, and have debated sharing my perspective on the world, so I keep it out of my blog content all together. I like your approach though. I feel I have grown a lot, reading so many of your posts today! 😀
On this topic, one of my staff made a great point today, so I thought I would share: be a campfire, not a bush fire. She talked to me about a seminar that spoke about encouraging other people to be themselves, and letting them come to you if they want to share your knowledge, instead of blasting through whether other people like it or not. Seemed poignant, today. <3
Liana
http://www.findingfemme.blogspot.com
Emily
Atheist fashion bloggers unite! 🙂 It is definitely a hard area to navigate, esp. when there is a strong contingent of women of faith who are active in fashion blogging.
http://blog.breadandrosesvintage.com